The Dilemma Of It All

reflection — throughout 2025

Even my French teacher knows I have something called Sadness Thursday

Each day of the week, I decide how to feel before our happenstance hurts me

You didn’t know about that, ’cause it happened since our first date’s birthday

And you wouldn’t ask about something like that, who needs emotional foreplay?

Even my therapist says that you acted, sometimes, like you were cheating

Valentine’s Day, you refuse to stay over, damn, who else were you meeting?

You’d never communicate shit ‘cept in detail how you wanted to … me

But fine I’ll admit, no, it wasn’t some girl that time, you chose to go hunting

Tell me why, why, why, why, why

You would rather go get high

In the basement of a houseparty at our home state’s college

Or make out with some girl who has a boyfriend, to your knowledge

You’d rather waste away in your bedroom, hate yourself but not enough to let me go, all the way

But you’d need to go all the way

And then you go away

I never had a say

And honey,

Even my French teacher knew I had something called Sadness Thursday

Now that I’m out of that school, I’ll be someplace new where you can’t hurt me

You might be older than me but your wisdom peaked with wanting to screw me

Your indecision, might as well be your gun, just go ahead, shoot.