reflection — Saturday, May 31st 2025
i’m looking at listings for homes in vermont
picturing us driving up there next month
it’s awkward, i take off my makeup at night
i know that i love you, i think that you might
i watch as you carry the grief in your shoulders
your dad would be proud of you, you’re acting older
the ring that you wear with his fingerprint on it
i wish i could stand in the path of that comet
destruction of you and your love and your life
i’m sorry that sometimes i’ve twisted that knife
your thoughts stay elusive but your eyes stay so clear
serrated and blue in the midst of my fear
either we’re meant to be, or i have BPD
i want to erase every time that you’ve seen me
i’m dramatic, erratic, reactive and red
you’re the calm in my ocean of senseless bloodshed
but my view is relative, not universal
you might see me as your last dress rehearsal
though from where i stand, you’re the entire horizon
i might need to back up, and focus my eyes in
on something more potent, more untouched, more new
less fateful, less hateful, less like me and you
there’s a truck backing up down the road from my house
two days ago, i gave away my old blouse
the one that i wore on our first date last year
the one that hid in my room, waiting to hear
my sighs and your ever-withholding sweet words
from when it was your truck down there through the woods
it’s raining, i’m fading, you fly somewhere west
i await your return, my cards close to my vest
in the end, nothing matters except that i’m here
and you’re there, in the mirror, closer than you appear
The Dilemma Of It All 